he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
