just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
