we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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