this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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