At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
