i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
