fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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