Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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