so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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