You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
