the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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