Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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