Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
