my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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