I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Four minutes until I can fart!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
