Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Randomize
