Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
