Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
