so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
