just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
