walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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