3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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