Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
