Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
