doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
