if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
