I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
