their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
