every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
