omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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