you guys were way drunker than both of me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
