u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
