i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
