I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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