Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
