when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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