my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
