i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
