Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
