I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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