There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
