im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
