After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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