Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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