Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
