so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
