Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
