highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
