I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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