Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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