I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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