HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
