I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
thus making me awesome and them whores
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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